Day 0: "I'm sick of feeling like crap, I'm gonna change my lifestyle and give this Paleo diet/Primal way of living a crack. I've pretty much got it figured out...Meat and veggies, absolutely no carbs. Check!"
Week 1: bacon bacon bacon bacon bacon bacon bacon bacon bacon bacon bacon bacon bacon
Week 4: "End of 1st month...Down 20lbs, joint pain gone, tons of energy...Woo hoo"
Week 8: "End of 2nd month... Hmmm, that's weird, only lost 10lbs this month. Oh well, better than nothing."
Week 12: "End of 3rd month and no weight loss, wtf? I even replaced all of my high carb processed foods with high fat processed foods like nut flours and butters. Sisson and Wolf are full of shit. Oh well, 50g of carbs is probably too much, I'll just cut them lower."
Week 16: "End of 4th month and damn, weight didn't budge, I think I need to join crossfit. On a positive note I only seem to need 5.5 hours of sleep per night because I wake up every night to piss and don't need to go back."
Week 17: Joined a crossfit
Week 19: Sustained my first shoulder injury...Maybe snatching 75% of my bodyweight for 20 reps was a bad idea..."Nah, that's pussy talk."
Week 20: "Nice, 3 weeks of crossfit and down another 5lbs."
Week 24: "No weight loss? WTF? Time to start researching..."
Week 25: First stop at Whole Health Source. "Who is this clown Stephan Guyenet? Food reward, Leptin...What is he smoking? Carbs are bad, nuff said."
Week 25.1: "These almond flour muffins are awesome and addicting covered in almond butter, I could eat a hundred of them a day. Probably a bad idea though, only made 24 for the week so I'll have 5 today and 3 a day after that."
Week 25.5: "Guess I better make another batch of these muffins and pick up some more almond butter."
Week 26: "Up 3 lbs...wtf?"
Week 27: "Crossfit coach said I may need to up the carbs, don't think she understands the Paleo diet...She must be thinking The Zone."
Week 28: 2nd trip back to Whole Health Source. "I wonder if Guyenet realizes his PhD and 10+ years of research experience completely flies in the face of my 10 hours of youtube/wikipedia research. I should send him an email...Nah, what's the point, he has his mind made up...close-minded asshole"
Week 32: "Man, I am wiped. No sleep, coffee losing effectiveness, digestion terrible, feeling jittery all day, back and shoulder killing me. Maybe I'll take a few weeks off crossfit."
Week 33: "Damn, feel great, dropped another 5lbs, sleeping like a baby, back to the box to keep this momentum going...Psyched!"
Week 34: "Whaaaaaaaaaaaaaat the Fuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuck!!!!!!!!!"
Week 35: Adrenal fatigue...Enjoy the next 6-12 months of diarrhea and feeling like you got run over by a bus, asshole.
Weeks 36-63: Lays off crossfit, walks daily, makes a concerted effort to get 8 hours of sleep, actually begins listening to Paleo Solution podcasts and reads more blogs about ancestral health..."Wait, I can eat carbs?"
Week 64: "Man, I feel great for the first time in forever. Almost at my goal weight, getting great sleep, digestion normal again. Think I'll enjoy some pizza to celebrate." Eats 3/4 of a pizza followed by 4 pop tarts.
Next day: Gains 3 lbs "Ahhhhhhhh, food reward, now I get it."
Conclusion: Finally realizes that limiting all processed and highly palatable foods, including nut butters and flours, is a good idea. Takes a more practical approach to exercise and lifestyle by putting the focus on limiting sedentary time and getting more walking in while trying to exercise a couple of times per week. Realizes that low carb works for some and is typically not a good idea for people who want to exercise intensely or for people who are not going to be low carb on the weekend.
